Good-Bye 2008

It's been fun. And not so fun. It has been a year of new promises and old struggles. This year I have learned again how much my God loves me. That He holds me ever closer to His heart. That He will never leave me. It's been a good year.

Thank you my Jesus for all that you are. Thank you.

A Few Goals

Ok, here goes...

I don't know if I'm being realistic or too pansy, but as of now here are a couple of my goals for the next year:

1. Lose the first twenty pounds by the end of April.

a. Keep walking with sis-in-law at least four days a week.

b. Pay attention to portion sizes!! (I'm not going to set a specific calorie limit or anything right now. In a month if I am not making progress just by being aware of what I am eating--which has worked in the past--I'll set something more specific)

c. Read a chapter in my Bible or listen to a worship song before reaching for a snack. It's the reason behind the habit that needs addressing more than the eating itself.

d. Do a few yoga stretches twice a week.

e. Make sure I get three servings of veggies every day. (This is really pathetic coming from someone who's diet was primarily fresh veggies for over a year, but hey, I have to get back on the wagon somehow:)

2. Lose the next twenty pounds by my birthday--September 21st. What better 30th birthday present could I ask for :-)

a. Start walking up the mountain instead of just around the driveway. Let's see, we'll say twice a week to be starting with.

b. Get a least five servings of veggies a day! Yum! If I'm having a problem with fruit I'll add that too.

c. Do yoga three times a week and add Pilate's once a week.

d. Keep reading that Bible before reaching for a snack. Try some journaling too.

3. Reach goal weight by summer of 2010! 130 lbs here we come!

a. Keep watching those serving sizes. Watch them get smaller!

b. Bike with hubby as often as possible! Yay, I love it it's so fun:-) Keep walking with sis-in- law. Gorgeous view from the top of the bluff.!

c. Yoga or Pilate's 4 times a week.

d. Eat all the veggies I can afford, lol! And green smoothies... Mmmm

e. Take my problems to Him before I look for food. Read Bible, sing, sew, write...whatever it takes.



Now, I have no idea if these weight loss goals are good ones or not, as far as time frame and all. I figure it'll get slower as I go, but I don't know. I guess I can modify as I go along if I need to. I'll keep journaling here about my progress. Hopefully that will help me keep my spirits up:-) I can't wait to fit into all those boxes of clothes I have waiting upstairs. The most recent I just cleaned out of my closet a few weeks ago--and the closet is bare! Three pairs of jeans, one skirt and a handful of t-shirts. The beautiful slacks and tops I just bought in November so I'd have something to wear for not at home don't even fit me. Soon though! :-)

Confession Time

"Don't tell Monkey!"

I've been an emotional eater at least since I got married. Before that the only stand-out memories I have of food are over-eating whenever there was spaghetti and making my chocolate bars last forever (or as many days as there were squares, which is quite a few)

Even so I never gained more than five pounds at a time. And that was easily shed by curbing my portions slightly and strolling 3/4 of a mile and back a few days a week. Then I had a baby. That stubborn weight did not want to come off. I finally gave up and got rid of all my size 10 clothes. Then I gained twelve pounds on top of the twenty-four I had kept. Then I got pregnant the second time. I topped off at 210 pounds a few days before Joshua was born. Strangely, I thought, this weight came right off. Down to the thirty-six over-weight I had been before...

Long story short, it has been a couple years with my weight creeping up and down. I pretty much stayed about forty pounds overweight. Then it started creeping up. I was in denial for a while, in spite of growing into a new size of jeans. When those started to get snug I decided to hop on my mom's scale. I nearly had a heart attack. Sixty pounds! Sixty pounds!!! I guess creeping isn't the right word this time. Twenty pounds is six months is pretty much steamrolling myself.

Now I battle this discouragement of having to lose fifteen or twenty pounds just to get back to where I was when I decided "Gee, I really should lose this weight, and soon!"

I know my health problems cannot be helped by this extra weight. In fact with liver and adrenal glands and various hormones involved I know I would get better faster if I lost all this. I guess that's true of any physical ailment.

So today I am posting the pictures I was too embarrassed to post before. There aren't all that many pictures of me because I am almost always behind the camera. The ones there are, I hate. I've never been real thrilled with pictures of me, but this is different.

I'm not sure why I'm doing this. Most of you are my siblings and I see you weekly anyway. You know what I look like and what my struggles are. I guess I just feel the need to get this off my chest. Hoping I will be able to look up and see that it is possible.

Of course it's possible.

Probable even. For me to get in shape.

The problem is this:

Embarrassing as it is.

I don't feel much desire to stop eating so much. I like to eat. It feels good. It is comforting. It is my addiction.

I know the real answer to this is my Jesus. So I ask for your prayers. I desperately need them. I am writing down some goals for New Year's. I'm not one to make big new year's resolutions and all. But I guess I'm hoping for a little momentum. So basically I will write down what I hope to lose by what date, and some eating habits to change as I go. Like adding more veggies (I love vegg by the way, I just get real lazy about it).
Then there's the problem of getting sick so often. Just when I get the exercising thing down I have to quit for a while. Then it's a slow process of starting up again. Then just when I get a rhythm going, you guessed it... This year has gradually been getting better in that department though. I am very excited about that! Still, I'm afraid:-(

So here goes, my fat pictures...

This is on my birthday, it doesn't look quite so bad now...

Dressed up for a Christmas party. I have umpteen layers of slimming garments on under that dress. Hey the picture looks better than the mirror did, my gut is somehow a bit hidden.

I hate this picture. I can't stand my fat face:-(

I don't want to be fat any more!!

There you have it. Please, please pray for me. I want to be healthy! I want to feel good about myself!! I want to be able to do lots of stuff I can't do now!!!

Love you guys. Thanks for listening...

My Kung Fu Warriors

Brothers 2008

January
February (like to watch the clothes agitating anyone?)

March

April

May (with their youngest cousin)

June

July

August

September

October

November (for a while I couldn't get them out of these pj's:)

December

I love you guys! I've loved watching your relationship this past year. I'm so glad you have each other.

Joshua 2008

A few of my favorite things
When I was photographing this little pile of things Joshua has played with or heard read a lot this year(well, the baby is new, like the kitty in Brannon's photo, but it is much prized), he wanted to know why I had something that was not his favorite in the picture. He said "that bag is not one of my favorites" I explained that it is in the picture because he uses it almost every day to fill with treasures or carry his elephant(who, sadly is not to be found). He persisted in saying it is not one of his favorites lol.

January

February (Birthday boy)

March

April

May

June

July

August

September

October

November

December (notice the similarity to January's picture lol)

I tried to get a picture if him working with his new hammer today, but he ran away--sigh...

My dear Joshua you are all sound and motion and light. I don't think you have been still since you were conceived. You are my sunshine. Your name fits you so well "he saves"--my little rescuer you love the idea of rescuers of all kinds, from super heroes to firefighters. And "cadence" you are so full of the rhythm of life. You didn't like toys when you were a toddler. Just tools and dishes and instruments. Anything real. You only began to like them when you were old enough to figure out that was how to play with brother--toys. Where your brother lives chiefly inside his head, you live in the wide world. You say you want to learn everything, and you mean it literally. I love you sweetheart. Love Mama.

Brannon 2008

A few of my favorite things
(Note: his fav part of No Girls Allowed is when the boys and girls get back together at the end of the story:-)

January

February

March

April

May

June

July

August

September

October

November

December

I was torn about this last one. I wanted to do a birthday picture for the birthday month. But I just posted his birthday, so I felt like doing a new pic :-)

My sweet Brannon, I love you so much! I love your smile and your laugh. That laugh is the most contagious thing I have ever heard. I love how hard you think about everything. I pray for wisdom to guide your amazing mind during these early years, so that when the time comes to stand on your own you will shine as brightly as the beacon you are named for. I love your astounding vocabulary. I love your sweetness and thoughtfulness. I love you sweetheart. I pray the next year is full of even better health and greater adventures than this one has been. Love, Mama.

Just A Few (wink, wink) Christmas Highlights

5:00 a.m.
The earliest the boys have woken up on Christmas.

Ironically, we haven't taken a second look at this since we discovered there were legos in some of those packages. Obsessed? Just a little. Like father, like son... (correction: a few minutes ago when Uncle Luke came in to say hi, B showed him some legos, then picked up the knife and announced "this was my favorite thing out of my stocking" LOL)

Joshua can't wait to grow up and be a papa (as well as a hard worker;). When he saw a cousin get a baby doll one day, something clicked and he asked for a baby for Christmas. Specifically, one with blue clothes and a bath. Well, the blue bathrobe soon came off in favor of the yellow pj's. He named his baby Hunter, after his cousin of the same name (speaking of Hunter, he is in the ER awaiting stitches at the moment, poor guy. He fell and split his forehead on his bed frame. It looks like when Josh fell out the window, thankfully not nearly as large a gash. I'm guessing about four stitches, but they are still waiting)

I made the diaper bag to hold the yard sale find clothes Grandma Karen happened to have handy, as well as the other misc stuff that came with his doll. I think it's a hit.

On to mom and dad's house for breakfast and our gift exchange there.

Sadly I don't have any pictures of us eating the marvelous breakfast we enjoyed together. Mom made quiche, sausage, fried potatoes, and coffee. I brought orange tapioca pudding and bananas. We had fun munching and visiting while the kids scarfed down their food so they could get back to playing.

Matt and Emily brought a picture for each of the dads. It is an adorable picture of the four sons/sons-in-law with each of the four grandsons on their shoulders. Love it!

The eyes have flashing lights in them,

My sister drew my name this year and she painted me this lovely picture (I've been begging her to paint for me for a while now:) I love it! She incorporated a bunch of my favorite things: a raven, a blue morpho butterfly, roses, my fav bible verse... Thanks sis!!

My favorite moment of the day. A "lucky" (I think the our fun God had a hand in this one, honestly) yard sale find, me drawing my littlest brothers name, my hubby's flash of inspiration regarding that yard sale find that was sitting in storage, your shouts of "No way!" when you opened that tiny package, bro--Priceless!!! :-)

That tiny package held a drum tuning key, which he recognized instantly:0

Your joy was contagious bro!

Josh'll test it out for you...

Matt seemed to have nieces and nephews on his lap all morning.

They say I married my little brother and I'd have to agree with that in a lot of ways lol. Glad you guys are buddies:)

Aunt Naomi had quite the audience:)

I'm so glad this hat turned out. I was worried! :-)

Miss Haylie is always begging to use Grammi's makeup, so she got a makeup case and some lip gloss from Grammi. Do you think she'll stop pulling all Grammi's makeup out of the drawer and asking sweetly to use it?

Joshua and Hunter took turns wrapping discarded paper around their middles and "unwrapping" each other. When Joshua unwrapped Hunter he shouted gleefully "A Hunter! Just what I've always wanted!" and proceeded to bear hug his giggling cousin. :-)

Let's enjoy the mess for a moment

Who can pick up the most wrapping paper? Hurry!

:-) (-:

Love you guys!! Had a fantastic day with you all. Naomi, I'm so sorry you were sick! Two years in a row, it's just not fair:( Hope you feel better soon, and hopefully next year no one will have the stomach flu! Jessie, thanks for the painting, it's the best! Matt, rock out!

Showing Great-Grandma and Grandpa his baby.

At the other Great-Grandparents house playing with cousin Wylie. (one of my cousins oldest son).

Those silly slippers again...

Today we will be having dinner(tacos:) and gift exchange with my hubby's family. We decided it would be better to break up the visiting a little and have more time with them by doing it today. The boys are excited to have two Christmases.

Today is full of playing, a little cleaning, and lots of being mellow. Looking forward to a visit from a dear friend who lives in L.A. We've been friends since we were "knee high to a grasshopper". We haven't had a good visit in about three years. We said "hi" at her brother's wedding, and last year after Christmas, and "hi" on the phone the year before that... I can't wait:)

I guess I'll quit rambling for now lol :-)