Monday, April 25, 2011

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Why are relationships so hard? One of the most wonderful, rewarding things we can work and love and sacrifice for--closeness with family and friends, letting yourself See and be Seen, is also the most troublesome, painful activity on the planet.

I suppose you can guess I am writing from a place of pain tonight.

We trust and trust and make ourselves vulnerable. We reveal parts of ourselves we would rather keep hidden. We lean on God every moment of the way. We reap amazing rewards of love, companionship, covenant.

Then, when the going gets tough we trust some more. We ask God for strength and compassion. We ask the Holy Spirit for wisdom. We hope we are hearing Him clearly, telling us which way to go. What to say and what not to say. We suspect we are not.

Have you ever been in a place where you know that you know that you know that you have to say something. Certain in an intangible way. Then the response that comes in all it's red hot thorniness makes you second-guess what you know. You wait and hope that you didn't screw up royally. You wonder if your own brokenness caused you to see completely wrong. You try to make peace. You hope your words sink past defensiveness and come to a tender place in the heart across from you. Sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn't.

In the meantime? You just try to not let the emotions take over your life. Not snap at your spouse, sigh at your children. Try not to fall into a dark, beckoning hole that belongs in your past, not your present. You know you should be in a better place. In a place of perfect peace. Absolutely certain that your God is so much bigger than prickles in a relationship. Bigger than swirling, painful emotions.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Race Day...

A day in which I did not race, sad to say. I rode the course with Nate the day before and had to walk a good 2/3 of it. I was physically not quite up to all the steep climbs, even though most of them weren't terribly long. And a few of the downhills were too steep for me as well. I'm out of practice since last summer!! :-) But, I gave it a shot and did the best I could. Did I mention that, what with all the walking, it took us nearly two hours to make around 5 miles? It IS a difficult course from all I've heard, but still...the race itself was 2 1/2 laps for beginners.
Waiting to start...

Joshua got in a lot of bike riding this weekend. Here's the top of a lovely steep hill down to a creek crossing (I ate in on this one the day before :) when the hill is slippery and you start sliding sideways you have to let go of your brakes to straighten out...I managed just barely on the hill before this one when I started to slide, but it's awfully difficult to convince my fingers to move when they are hanging on to the brake levers for dear life... ;-} )
Joshua loves to cheer non-stop for all the racers--he takes after his Papa:D
Nate, halfway down the hill to the creek
And coming up out of the creek. I did not have the right angle to get pics IN the creek, other photographers (not toting semi-littles) having been there before me;)
Brannon, just hanging out enjoying everything

Hanging out with new friends
Final stretch
Super muddy and tired...

Our adventure of the day was when I had followed Nate to the van after the race and Mom was watching Joshua and Brannon play. Joshua kept looking for steeper and steeper hills to ride down. He zoomed down too fast to stop and became rather too close friends with a fence, resulting, thankfully, in nothing more than a black and blue knot on his chin and a bitten lip. Needless to say he was Done for the day and wanted nothing more than to go sit in the warm van. Other than some exhaustion from trauma and difficulty chewing his dinner he seemed to recover quickly though and cheered up after a short nap in the van.