The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.
J.R.R. Tolkien (The Fellowship of the Ring)
Monday, November 7, 2011
Broken. Undeniably. Irrevocably. The family I once knew and cherished is no more. The bitter pain that has kept me from writing all summer and half of autumn, is this. This thing that has been building for years. Mostly unseen. Hidden in the shadows of 'keeping it together', of 'normalcy'. The fractured bits like shards of glass, carefully reached around to avoid injury. To avoid blood, and pain. And, finally, a divorce. Children struggling in greater and lesser degrees not to take sides. To support both parents. To let anger and grief run their course and be followed by forgiveness and grace. Children who (speaking for myself, and perhaps my siblings) are grateful to be adults with families of their own. Spouses and children who are anchors in our pain.
The sun shines on and the pain, eventually, comes and goes. Between waves I can feel almost normal. I begin to think that the intensity has waned. Then I am suddenly drowning again.
There are so many things that cannot be shared here. Things that last too long, that leave too quickly, that come too soon. Old hurts that surface at inopportune times and make little rifts wider. Emotions on edge. A family that used to be one of the happiest and strongest families I knew is left in fragments.
At times I forget to trust the Holy Spirit. I forget to rest in the arms of my Heavenly Daddy. I forget that ALL things work together for the good of those who Love HIM!
Even the prickly aliens that don't belong on this landscape...
Down to the smallest detail, the largest pain, He is present and Powerful. His Love for me in Unending! His delight in me never ceases!
As I watch my precious boys exploring today I am reminded once again of God's love for ME!