Friday, October 9, 2009

If Thou Could'st Empty All Thyself of Self

If thou could'st empty all thyself of self,
Like to a shell dishabited,
Then might He find thee on the ocean shelf,
And say, "This is not dead,"
And fill thee with Himself instead.

But thou are all replete with very thou
And hast such shrewd activity,
That when He comes He says,
"This is enow Unto itself - 'twere better let it be,
It is so small and full, there is no room for me."

Sir Thomas Brown

I have found myself to be so very self-centered lately. When I come to my King in prayer I have, without giving it a second thought, come with my agenda in my hand. My questions, my needs, my complaints, my wants. My seeking so quickly became all about ME. I forgot my many blessings and victories in a hurry.

When God spoke to me last night he said Could you just come to me without your agenda. Just you. I want to be with just you.

I wept when I realized my ungratefulness.

And leaped back into it with both feet today.

And struggled to lay it down when I realized it.

I thought of my children. How much more I could give them if they weren't whining at me about their wants and needs. If they weren't yelling about what someone else just did to them. If they just enjoyed my presence there is so much I have waiting for them. Love and wisdom and gifts. Not that they don't get those things anyway. But there is more to be had.

How much more of HIM will I find when I lay down my rights? How eager is He, just waiting, holding His breath until I come to Him at last, empty. Ready to be filled with something so far infinitely better than the petty things I hold onto so tightly. What will it be like to SEE truly. To see the world around me as HE sees it. To walk in my true identity. To see Him as He is.

I intend to find out.

"I'm not saying I have all this together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me." From Philippians 3

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