Picking Myself Back Up

I just read this post http://downfromthedoor.blogspot.com/2010/07/racing-and-stretching.html from last summer and I'm so glad I wrote it. I needed the encouragement just now. All my plans for racing short track last year went down the drain. I raced a second race in Jacksonville, but it we had just returned from Idaho the Friday before and I guess I was drained from travelling or something because even though I'd kept up on my riding I had a terrible time with the race. It was the same track as the first one I did and I struggled even harder than before. Then, as I was standing there wondering if I was going to attempt any of the Pistis short tracks in the following weeks I won a special prize in the raffle. All five Pistis races free. Well, that pretty much made up my mind for me ;-) I thought "Ok, Lord, I think You're talking to me here" The first race I had a cold. The second one we had to be at a ministry team meeting. The third race I had a cold. The fourth race I actually signed up for and rode a practice lap to warm up. I didn't even push hard and by the time I was 2/3 of the way through I was shaking so bad I couldn't continue. The fifth race we were rushing back from out of town, but due to doing a favor for a friend who was with us we showed up at the track just as the beginner category was crossing the finish line for the final lap. It was such a fiasco the whole month, I was so discouraged. Then, due mostly to lots of viruses and other health issues I barely rode a handful of times in the next five months. And in December and January I gained ten pounds. A year and a half to lose it, a month and a half to gain it back. I was So stressed and depressed for a couple months. I've cheered up now. Kind of picked myself up and started trudging forward again. It's still a struggle every single day. I'm still fighting the slack eating habits I slopped into throughout the winter. On the exercise front though I've been doing cardio workouts with friends two to three times a week and strength training once or twice a week. Which is a whole lot better than nothing!! I rode my bike two and a half;) times this week (the half time being an aborted attempt to ride up our hill). I seem to have lost what little technical ability I had gained last spring and summer, so trail riding is a bit scary at the moment, but I know I'll gain it back quickly. I plan on racing cross country races this season. The first one is coming up on April 10th. It's a difficult and sloppy/muddy trail though and I've been strongly advised by my hubby that we have to get there early the day before so I can ride the trail and see if it's beyond me or not before I decide if I want to race it. I'm super nervous all over again, being so out of shape. But, I think I've put my finger on why I want to do this. It doesn't have anything to do with being competitive or not. It's because I want to be strong. I've been physically weak for so many years now. Many of the times I was laying there I was imagining being athletic in some way. Now having found a sport I love those dreams are waking up again. I would appreciate your prayers, my friends. I am so easily discouraged these days. I need to keep fighting for the health of this body of mine. I need it for me, my family needs it. Thanks for listening to me ramble:)