Thursday, April 21, 2011

Why are relationships so hard? One of the most wonderful, rewarding things we can work and love and sacrifice for--closeness with family and friends, letting yourself See and be Seen, is also the most troublesome, painful activity on the planet.


I suppose you can guess I am writing from a place of pain tonight.


We trust and trust and make ourselves vulnerable. We reveal parts of ourselves we would rather keep hidden. We lean on God every moment of the way. We reap amazing rewards of love, companionship, covenant.


Then, when the going gets tough we trust some more. We ask God for strength and compassion. We ask the Holy Spirit for wisdom. We hope we are hearing Him clearly, telling us which way to go. What to say and what not to say. We suspect we are not.


Have you ever been in a place where you know that you know that you know that you have to say something. Certain in an intangible way. Then the response that comes in all it's red hot thorniness makes you second-guess what you know. You wait and hope that you didn't screw up royally. You wonder if your own brokenness caused you to see completely wrong. You try to make peace. You hope your words sink past defensiveness and come to a tender place in the heart across from you. Sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn't.


In the meantime? You just try to not let the emotions take over your life. Not snap at your spouse, sigh at your children. Try not to fall into a dark, beckoning hole that belongs in your past, not your present. You know you should be in a better place. In a place of perfect peace. Absolutely certain that your God is so much bigger than prickles in a relationship. Bigger than swirling, painful emotions.

2 comments:

Momma Bug said...

Mmmm....

This is when I think to myself
"one day, heaven. And there will be this relationship without any of the baggage or history or hurt because I know this brother/sister loves the Lord too. We're both imperfect, but it won't be this way forever."

But.. in the meantime there's now, huh?

I love you friend. keep pressing onward.

~me

SarahS said...

I said the same thing the other day. "I want to go to Heaven. Now would be good" Ha. Sometimes it seems way too far off.

I love you too :) Thanks for the encouragement