No more pictures...

for the time being. I've run out of free storage. Hopefully I'll be able to get it sorted out soon. In the meantime, I've been continuously sick "forever" and don't think I'll be up to doing posts without pictures to fill in the blanks. Don't know if I'm really reacting badly to the firewood being in the house and the wood smoke like I have in the past (though not last year) or if my immune system is just That shot.

Illness and Exercise and Rambling

I am on a very interesting journey these days. In this case "interesting" happens to be code for "really dang hard" with a lot of good thrown in. It's a bit like beginning to exercise when you've been lying around for a while. You set out with enthusiasm (or not, depending on whether you like to exercise or not) and, taking deep breaths of fresh air, rejoice in finally being outside (assuming you enjoy your exercise out of doors).  You begin pedaling and a smile is soon tugging at you. Another deep breath of fresh air and a full on grin takes over your face.

Sooner or later though (Much Sooner at my house) you have to climb. And climb and climb and climb.

 If it's been a while I will have fiercely burning lungs long before I even begin to feel my legs (the airways tend to be my weak spot). That's the worst for me. I have a really difficult time getting past it. I find I have to take my time if I'm not going to become so discouraged I want to quit. I have to be really patient. I have to stop and walk sooner than I would like, and walk longer than I would like. Until the burning subsides completely, then I can have another go. Then next time I ride I'll be able to go a little longer before I have to stop the first time, maybe only a few seconds longer, but it's progress all the same. Progress that feels a whole lot like pain.

I am always shocked by how much mountain biking can hurt. When I started if I hadn't already been doing exercises that hurt and having someone who knows what they're talking about telling me that the pain was good, as long as it was in the right spot, I would have thought something was wrong. It's still shocking!

Another challenge I face is being in generally poor health. Between adrenal exhaustion and allergies my immune system is quite compromised. I seem to come down with every cold that's going around. There have been some changes this year. I haven't had a stomach bug about every fourth illness like in the past. I haven't had influenza (which thankfully I've only had a few times) or tonsillitis or bronchitis. My cold symptoms have been fairly mild. I've been struggling with ongoing muscle aches and sleepiness though. The other cold symptoms go, but those two stay. For weeks. Then about the time I'm feeling better I get another cold. It hasn't made for very good exercise motivation.

I've been struggling emotionally with the constant exhaustion. I have things I want to do! Things I need to do! I'm tired of this! I don't want to do it any more. Ever. I want my life back. Now would be good.

Very few people "get" that I'm not making it up when I say I can't exercise today. If I had a dollar for every time someone said "Just do it. Exercise will give you the energy you want..." And then look at me like I'm nuts when I try to explain that with adrenal exhaustion I have to pay attention to my body and not exercise if it tells me not too. If I do I will likely be stuck to the couch for two days, or three or four... I think they suspect I'm lazy or in denial. I think they're thinking I'm trying to get out of exercising, that I don't want to work and am making excuses. That's with the "you're nuts" looks. The blank stares I'm not so sure. Some people genuinely try to understand. But unless you've been here, it's really hard to get it.

I recently came across an article about "The Spoon Theory" that explains so well how I feel. Most folks don't think of getting dressed, fixing their hair, driving a short distance, and myriad other small things as being events that require thought and energy. Events that take a chunk out of "what I can accomplish today". I hesitated for months before cutting my hair short (fun new do:) because I knew how much the five or ten minutes a day to fix it would take out of me.

Another example that will take place today. I'm going for a bike ride with the team. You'd think I'd be worried about two hours on my bike being the energy drain. Not so. The things I'm most worried about draining my energy, before I even get started, include: the small maintenance things to get my bike ready to ride, putting my bike on the bike rack on the van, changing into cycling clothes, getting my water bottles and snacks ready, driving 25 minutes to the trail, my extremely introverted self being forced to great a dozen or more people and I am mostly barely acquainted with... All these seemingly insignificant things are major energy sappers for me. So much so that the thought of going for  a ride today seems almost impossibly overwhelming.

Speaking of the team, I never followed up on my post about my big decision. I joined, contrary to the Appearance of Common Sense.

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Whew. Found out that the ride today was an hour earlier than I thought it was and had to dash off suddenly. I had a great and grueling time. My sweet hubby took a huge stress off me by driving me to the trail head and picking me up after.

So, speaking of going against common sense and joining the team. I mentioned I was very concerned about not being able to fulfill the requirements because of my health. Yesterday I was struggling emotionally. I was feeling crummy again after only a few days of feeling ok. The muscle aches were back and I had a sore throat. My nose was throbbing and stinging. I was extremely exhausted and discouraged. The boys were still coughing and having a really rough day. After they had gone to bed I was praying and reading my bible and just really discouraged. Did I mention I was discouraged? When I finally decided to join the team I had been praying about it and felt a lot of peace about joining. God gave me a verse from Psalm 23. In most translations verse 3 says "He restores my soul". In the translation that was in my room at the time said "He restores my strength". Another translation could be 'He restores my vitality to what it was meant to be'. I believed I had a promise from God that if I trusted Him He would come through for me. So, I was sitting there feeling sorry for myself and asking God if He was really going to come through for me. Maybe I heard Him wrong, I was thinking. I know He always comes through! Always. So, I must have made up what I'd felt and heard. Or God had some other lesson in mind for me. Or...

I got to bed at a good time and there I lay. Until at least midnight. *Sigh* The boys woke me just before seven this morning. I had some cooking and cleaning that Had to be done today. And you know what? I felt great! I got all the things done I needed to get done. And I went on the ride. Came home sore, tired, mud covered, and very happy. God came through for me, in the way I hoped He would.

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Psalm 27 has been my "go-to" passage for some time now (parenthesis mine):

The Lord is my light and my salvation;
Whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the defense of my life;
Whom shall I dread?   (or what circumstance!)
When evildoers come upon me to devour
my flesh,   (illness)
My adversaries and my enemies, they
stumbled and fell.
Though a host encamp against me,
My heart will not fear;
Though war rise against me,
In spite of this I shall be confident.
One thing I have asked from the Lord, that
I shall seek:
That I may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life,  (in Every circumstance)
To behold the beauty of the Lord
And to meditate in His temple.
For in the day of trouble He will conceal me
in His tabernacle;  (in full view of my enemies, where they can't touch me)
In the secret place of His tent He will hide
me;
He will lift me up on a rock.
And now my head will be lifted up above
my enemies around me,
And I will offer in His tent sacrifices with
shouts of joy;
I will sing, yes, I will sing praises to the
Lord.
Hear, O Lord, when I cry with my voice,
And be gracious to me and answer me.
When you said, "Seek my face," my heart
said to You,
"Your face, O Lord, I shall seek."
Do not hide Your face from me,
Do not turn Your servant away in anger;
You have been my help;   (in every way!)
Do not abandon me or forsake me, (since He says "I will never leave you or forsake you" don't have to worry about that one:)
O God of my salvation!
For my father and my mother have
forsaken me,
But the Lord will take me up.
Teach me Your way, O Lord,
And lead me in a level path
Because of my foes.
Do not deliver me over to the desire of my
adversaries,
For false witnesses have risen against me,
And such as breath out violence.
I would have despaired unless I had believed
that I would see the goodness of the Lord
In the land of the living. (So true!)
Wait for the Lord; (need to get a grip on this one)
Be strong and let your heart take courage;
Yes, wait for the Lord.

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This quote by Graham Cooke is challenging me this week:
"To really get the best of frustration, you must turn it into celebration. If you stop being frustrated and start celebrating, you enter a whole different space, and so will your circumstances. You can make your circumstances bow to the Christ in you! All it takes is a brilliant thought."

We're Back :)

Now for lots of "boring" mundane news of what we've been up to...

On the garden front: I have one large, green pumpkin sitting out in the garden. I don't think there's any hope of it turning orange before the first frost kills the vine. I hope there are some good recipes for green pumpkin out there :) I always kind of wanted to try making pie with it like in Little House on the Prairie. Remember when Ma makes the pie out of green pumpkin and Pa thinks it's apple pie?

I also have heaps of green Serrano chiles. Nate was going to make salsa and never got around to it. I'll have to get him to slice them for me (I Don't like handling hot peppers) and I'll pickle them for him. Though, he hasn't eaten his jalapeno slices from last year. I think he forgot about them.

We missed the fall crop of raspberries. Such a short window compared to spring. And only made two blackberry pies and one jar of syrup. No jam, or anything else. I made one pot of pear butter and froze it in small containers. I started to make applesauce one day and decided to make pie instead. I have six jars of tomato sauce in the freezer and one jar of dried tomatoes. And that's it on the preservation front. I really planned to do much better this year. Oh well.

We tried our first crop of meat chickens this year. I have to say, the processing is not my favorite thing to do (obviously.) But it's worth it to have meat in the freezer. We have lots more to do and will be doing a few each weekend until it's done.

Our "keeper" flock has grown as well. We now have six roosters and eighteen hens. So many pretty and fun boys we have trouble getting rid of them all. So, we need six more hens for the four-to-one ratio that's supposed to be best for them :) Nate really wants some more mille fleur booted bantams (if you find a picture of "Little Red on here that's the breed and color) so we'll probably try to get some eggs from our friends who have them and fill our quota that way. The boys each picked two laying hens to order when we got the meat chicks. Brannon chose "Easter Eggers" which are mixed breed Auracanas, Joshua chose Barred Rocks. I find it fascinating that they both chose the same breeds as last year (I guess I expected them to change their minds :) Sadly their previous hens met sad ends, presumably in predators stomachs. Brannon named his girls "Owl" and "Agmes". Joshua originally named his "Black Eagle" and "Agnes".  Then he switched to "Agmes" and "Agnes". Now the two girls are unnamed because he can't decide what he wants to call them. Now if we can just keep the girls alive through the deadly months of April and May we'll be doing good. I think these must be the "baby months" and the predator moms and dads are extra bold and desperate because we lose chickens in broad daylight when we're all home. It's just when there's lots of new fresh food around and the chickens are eager to be out and about after a rainy, cold winter of sticking close to home or being stuck inside. We're planning to build a covered run for them so we can let them out during the dangerous months and still keep them safe.

Our Madrones and Walnuts have been attacked by web worms this year. Wretched beings. The boys were even willing to forgive wasps for being wasps when they heard that they eat web worms. We cut lots of web worms out to the Madrones that we could reach, and thankfully they didn't hit our fruit trees badly at all, just a branch here and there. (the chickens really liked the branches full of caterpillars we kept dumping up there for them). Our big walnut tree survived pretty well. I've seen several trees in town with no leaves left and web all the way to the ground!!

Nate's been really busy with school while working most weekends. The boys and I are always looking forward to the weeks between terms when we actually get to See him :) He's enjoying working for the fire station. He had a really fun time doing open houses with kindergartners. He said if all public relations were with five-year-olds we would Love to it :D

I have not vanished forever!

Computer's been down at home again. For a couple months, if you hadn't noticed. We are all still alive and kicking ;-) Do not know when I'll be back as we did not get around to dealing with the computer during my Honey's break from school. Too many other things to do! He's back to full time studying tomorrow which means No spare time for things like calling old friends and spending a whole day wrestling with a recalcitrant machine. So... In the meantime, I may get around to posting here before two more months go by, and I may not! :)

To Marci and Analene-- Marci I know you love seeing pics of the boys on here, I will try to get some up before too long. Analene, I just had a quick peek at your blog:) Beautiful photos as always. Looks like you guys are having a great summer:) wish we could have made it up!! Maybe next year we will visit you both! Wouldn't that be a blast? Anyway, love you guys tons!

I've been avoiding posting here any of the negative/stressful things that have been going on in my life the last few months. I was avoiding posting at all for a while, not knowing if I should "go there" or not. I started this blog as a sort of journal and an outlet for bits of writing and photography etc. As you know if you've followed at all it's really a hodge-podge of family journaling and my thoughts and photos and so on. I've used it as a place to share triumphs and to process grief. I love that I can stay in touch with old friends through it.


I still don't know what I will share on here, if anything, of the struggles I've been going through. Some are deeply personal. Some are controversial. Some feel like whining after years of the same pain. So, if posts are few and far between that is the main reason. The other reason is one of the negatives-poor health. And all the energy I am putting into finding out how I can be the healthiest I can be, it's taking a lot out of me. As well as the discouragement of being here still, again, whatever. And that's where the feeling of whining comes in...



I know this is a good outlet for me and can help me focus on the positive. The happy pictures and fun times:) I will endeavor to keep up with at least a few posts of what we are up to if nothing else. I want to be able to look back on this summer and remember the spots of joy.

"Do not fear, for I am with you;

Do not anxiously look about you, for I am

your God.

I will strengthen you, surely I will help you,

Surely I will uphold you with my righteous

right hand

Isaiah 41:10

Rambling

It's been so long since I've actually written anything on here. I've found it difficult to express my thoughts lately. And, also, we've been sick a lot, so I haven't felt like writing. I tell myself I ought to write anyway, but...

I just experienced a very painful illness, that fortunately was not contagious. I ended up having my mom pick me up to take me to Urgent Care yesterday. Nate was at one of the fire stations doing some training. He doesn't take his phone in to work with him, obviously and I found out in the midst of an emergency that I had no idea how to get a message to him. I left a few messages on his phone, hoping he'd check it at lunch. No luck there. My thought processes were very sluggish by the time we were headed to the doctor, I couldn't even remember which station my hubby said he'd be at. My mom called a dear friend, Janis and told her the situation. She stopped at the fire station nearest her and told them who she was looking for and why. They called the station Nate was at and he was able to come meet us right away. I said to Mom after she got off the phone with Janis, "It's so great to have friends!"

I definitely felt all my family's and friend's prayers yesterday. By the time I saw a doctor the pain and nausea I was feeling had subsided greatly and the prognosis was much less dire than we had guessed it would be! "All my confidence is in You, O Lord! No wonder I can sing Your praises!" {Thank You Daddy so much for touching me and healing me yesterday! I love You!} And while I was sitting in the car waiting for Nate to pick up my prescriptions the sun broke through the clouds for just a moment and shone right in my face, an amazing blaze of light and warmth. My heavenly Daddy saying "Hi there. I'm thinking about you:)"

While I'm sad to be missing church yet again this morning, I'm enjoying the rest and the bits of blue sky outside my window. I'm thinking I'll take a little stroll pretty soon. Maybe check up on my chickens or have a look around the pond. Fresh air is always good for healing:)

With all this "resting" I've been doing the last month I'm sadly behind on all the home made Christmas gifts I had planned. With how involved one of them was it's looking like I'm going to have to make other plans. Not sure what I'm going to do yet. Time is short, and I want gifts that are well thought out and lovingly crafted. That's the fun of giving gifts, whether made or purchased, the love you show by your thoughtfulness and attention to the person receiving the gift...

Well, I'm off to enjoy a bit of blue sky before I lie down again. Blessings to you all, hope your day is wonderful, wherever you are:)

I have posts, I DO

But, of course, being me, they involve pictures. And for whatever reason blogger is refusing to download pictures for the last two days... phooey.

The boys and I ventured out to the Grower's Market this morning. The fog was burning off as we drove toward town revealing another gloriously bright, perfect fall day. Hurray! We had a pretty good time browsing and chatting with vendors (well, Joshua was chatting with vendors, not me). Then IT began again. What is IT, you ask? IT is a certain boy's recent propensity to test every boundary in sight. Admittedly, today was not so bad compared to the last couple of weeks. But, it was enough to make a pleasant morning into a marathon. So, it was both-- Pleasant and a Marathon. If you know what I mean.

Walking through the "art" portion of the Market Joshua was transfixed by a booth of cement statues. He said, "Oh, I Love carvings!" (he was loving most of the displays actually, jewelry, paintings, instruments). I ended up getting him a little cement elephant, since he loves elephants. I don't know why exactly I let him pick one out, I didn't plan on buying the boys anything like that today. I just did. He was very sweet about it and thankful. And I could tell by his attitude he wouldn't have complained if we had walked on. I was pleased to do something for him.

We stopped to buy some flowers (big splurge on my part, but they were a dollar a stem, so I decided I could spare 3 or 4 dollars for some gorgeousness). We were picking out one sunflower like a teddy bear sunflower only bigger and fuller, and two or three dahlias. We ended up with two sunflowers and four dahlias because the lady gave us a couple flowers that were nearer the end of their prime than the others. And she made a little bouquet with the dahlias and some really pretty greenery. So we got a really gorgeous bunch of flowers for $4. :D And Joshua had a great time helping me pick out flowers.

Then we stopped by a farm stand run by some friends of ours. We picked out a bag of corn-on-the-cob and Brannon stayed behind with the other kids while J and I continued on our way.

A head of lettuce, 5 turnips, 1 cabbage, and 3 tamales later we were back to collect B and hike back to the car. I'd been "wrestling" with J ever since shortly after the flower booth and we were all getting tired. He was dragging his way across streets and throwing a big fit whenever I hustled him along(so as not to hold up traffic or get run over). Then about a block from the car he decided to "hand" me the bag with his elephant in it. Only I was facing completely the other way. He didn't tell me he was handing it to me. Didn't slow down to see if I had it. Just thrust it in my direction and let go. Because he was mad about the whole walking back to the car-helping me carry stuff-me making him hurry scene.

It's only a cement statue. It only cost a few dollars. It's only missing an ear.

I don't think it has anything to do with him being grateful or ungrateful. It's just this whole thing he goes into when he's tired that I have no idea how to direct. Yes, it's not just when he's tired, it's his whole attitude toward authority in the first place. He's a sweet, bright, caring kid and we do set boundaries. I struggle with consistency, but who doesn't?? Ok, maybe someone out there has it all together where their kids are concerned. I just wish I knew what to do with him, now...

Brannon wasn't interested in flowers, or statues, or vegetables. He paused for a moment to see the fancy beeswax candles and he was very glad to spend a few minutes with his friends. Which made him think of another friend he hopes to see at church tomorrow. I thanked him many times for helping me carry the flowers. I was trying to think of a way to help him feel loved today too. You see, J's main love language is gifts. He LOVES to give people things. That's the reason I got him the statue and let him have a big say in what flowers we picked out, because those things make him feel loved. Brannon's I think must be touch--lots of hugs! and words of encouragement--which is why I made sure he knew I appreciated his help...

I have felt overwhelmed by being a parent lately. And a wife. And me. Can I hire a maid? So I can do school with the boys and creative stuff for me and take naps and not fall behind and have a stressfully disgusting house? I think that would be nice...

I have thoughts

I really do. Have things to say. But I am not at home (though home is very nearby) and it is passing 11 pm. And I don't want to be a zombie tomorrow. I will be very happy to have my own computer back. It's only been gone two days and I haven't really missed it. But it is convenient when you want to use it to have it in your own house :) I suppose I will be missing it more soon.

A Little Rambling

It's been a while I think, since I rambled on here, that is. I've been drawing a lot of blanks lately when I try to write. You should see my "April" folder in my journal, it's conspicuously empty. I haven't been rambling anywhere...

Except in pictures.

I got a new mountain bike this week and have been enjoying it Immensely! My old comfort street bike now looks like a tank. With the lighter weight and, of course, being a mountain bike (you know, how the handlebars relate to the seat is different) I've been cruising up hills with, um, relative ease. Nate took me out on one of his trails through the woods today. It was a little scary dodging trees and riding over roots and around tight corners and down steep hills, but fun too. I was excited to have done something a little challenging and to have stretched beyond my comfort zone (as far as "safety" I'm a little afraid of crashing into a tree or going over my handlebars) It felt good. And riding with Nate I worked a lot harder than I would have on my own. By yourself the climbs just become work and it's harder to go as far as you know you can, at least for me. My whole body was tired when we were done, but I was happy to think I am getting stronger all the time this way.

I will be so glad when we are done hatching eggs for the year. I knew I went a little overboard with all the eggs I got, it was exciting at first though. The main problem has been that our hatches aren't going so well this year. We've had lots of eggs that didn't hatch and some chicks that died soon after. One of our chicks I peeled out of the egg because he had dried out and the shell and membrane were stuck to his body. There was no way he was getting out on his own. I'm not quick to help them out, the saying is if they're not strong enough to make it out of the shell they're not strong enough to survive and you don't want to mess with weak birds which is perfectly true in nature but in an artificial environment where the fault could be mine (i.e. incorrect humidity in the incubator) it's impossible for me not to help. It's also stressful wondering if they're going to make it out of the shell or not, and do I help or not etc... But, just today we had two chickens and a turkey bust out of their eggs no problem, so I'm feeling quite relieved tonight. I have ducks and turkeys due in a week and more ducks two weeks after that. Then No More This Year. Nate is trying to talk me into guineas. I keep telling him I'm not hatching any more this year, I'll hatch you some next year. And he's started making noise about peacocks. Just how many birds do you want to feed??? :)

I know this is not news if you know me, but it's come to me again lately that I feel more alive when I write. Even a little journal entry is enough to keep the blood flowing, so to speak. And I feel alive when taking pictures. I need to remind myself once in a while to make sure to keep these two simple things in my life on a regular basis. It's amazing to me how easy it is to let even something you love and know you need go neglected because you're tired. Or overwhelmed by life in general. It's hard to be creative when your brain is going numb from the demands of the day.

We are planning to make a dash to the beach tomorrow, in spite of the cold. It has just been too long since I've been there. I need to see the ocean!! I'm hoping to get the boys to cooperate for a little photo shoot while we're there, it's high time for some portraits. Although, I'll probably end up using my favorites, candid 'portraits', for what I have in mind anyway :) We'll see how it goes...

When next we meet it should be over some great beach photos. See you then ;)

Ramblin'

My poor neglected blog! I will write a little something for you today...


December is flying by as quickly as every other month this year has flown. I can't believe it's almost Christmas. I don't feel terribly Christmas-y. Once again I have let the month slip by with very little in the way of crafts and baking and storytelling. *Sigh* We do have a tree and other decorations up. I have a bit of sewing, gift wrapping, and cooking to do this week. Sadly I think I may need to venture into a grocery store. I thought I had everything I needed for the week, but I've forgotten a thing or two.

Nate was in a rotten tomato fight this afternoon. The boys and I stayed home to nap, so we missed out on the...um...fun. I've been informed over the phone that a very smelly, slimy husband is on his way home.

My writing project is going well. My partner keeps asking if I am still having fun. I've even been called a loon. They can't quite imagine writing being fun rather than a chore. I am actually giddy with the fun of it. I love words and the rearranging of them into a pleasing form is enough happiness to make me silly with it.

A week or two ago I introduced my boys to the movie "The Neverending Story" for the first time. No one was feeling quite up to par that week and so they watched it nearly every day. By the fourth watching they were happily quoting their favorite parts. I enjoyed their enjoyment immensely.

Well, while it's not a very long ramble, at least I wrote something. :D Merry Christmas everyone!

You may have noticed that the previously suggested posts have not been delivered. Sorry to say it's not happening this weekend either (sorry for me any way because I really do want to keep up this blog thingy) too busy with good stuff. I am happy to report I have begun my little writing adventure, just today in fact, and am finding it every bit as marvelous to play with words as I thought it would be. I'm a little nervous still, but that just adds some spice, right? The dear person who I am writing for claims to have no expectations, therefore there is no reason to be worried about it. Ha. Ha, ha, ha. Easy for you to say. I can't wait to talk with them, hopefully tomorrow and show what I've done so far and see if we are on the same page. Good times :) Hopefully I will have some new pics up in a couple days and a new progress report on the writing. Until then, have a wonderful weekend full of happy Christmas plans.

I have pictures of boys sword fighting with foam swords; maybe I will get them on the computer tomorrow and post them. Maybe I will even take a picture of the wonderful-looking cranberry bars I am making tomorrow. And if we find a Christmas tree you may hear about it. Or maybe not. No promises :) I might find napping or cooking more important than blogging tomorrow. Especially if the pics refuse to load...

Very...um...exciting stuff I know. I'm not very good at blogging about little projects, Christmas crafts and such. We haven't really gotten into any of that stuff yet. We've been busy trying to get our house clean around all the usual stuff there is to do. Yikes! And the kitchen and laundry look like I've been ignoring them for a week. (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

:D

It's Rambling Time

Yep, it's time for me to talk without a goal. To wander around the recent moments in my life that stand out to me as I sit this morning.

How does one keep little boys from bickering all day long when the sun doesn't shine? Whether they are busy or not it seems to come pouring endlessly out of them. Legos, crafts, school, firewood, food...doesn't seem to matter.

On the other hand, those adorable smiles, inquiring minds, sharp little wits and glorious hugs make for the best days ever!

A new writing project looms before me. Looms in every best sense of the word. Can looming be a positive thing?? Should I say...uh, strange, a different word to use escapes me at the moment. When am I ever wordless? OK, so it's not looming. I just can't wait to get started. I'm waiting on someone who I'll be working with. Just a little waiting and I'm going nuts. I'm a little excited. More than a little. But, I'm nervous too. I've never worked collaboratively with someone before, not on non-fiction anyway(in high school my friends and I did a little swapping fiction back and forth). I'm nervous to put my words to someone else's thoughts. What if I don't get it right????? Lol! But I was daydreaming last night about having the material in my hands, organizing thoughts and themes, polishing, rewriting and I was getting happy :) Happy at the thought of sculpting with words. After a long, long time away from such work.

We are attempting at last to clean our house of all the clutter, and because of the clutter all the trash, dirt, and piles of un-put-away stuff that has accumulated over the past three years. I started yesterday with enthusiasm. By the end of the day I was thinking this is impossible! I'm trying not to look too closely at anything right now. Trying to keep my mind on small bits of the project so as not to become completely overwhelmed before we even have a good start on this. My plans for yesterday were derailed by a particular circumstance which caused me to have to clean a different room than I planned on starting with. I mostly didn't let any frustration into my thoughts. Until this morning when I will be gone for a while and my hubby can't do what he planned to do while I was gone because I didn't get to do the "before" step I planned to do yesterday...

It's all right though. He and the kids will have a great time hiking up the mountain instead ;-) They are exploring places to make some bike trails. We are excited to share our wonderful property with our mountain-biking friends. Once our house is clean, ahem, we'll have some of them over to help us clear trails and whatever other fun we can get up to.

Well, I'm off to see if the boys' breakfast is ready, do my stretches and otherwise get on with my day. Thanks for joining me this morning :)

A Lot of Love...In Varying Degrees...

I love the rain on my roof. Beautiful sound. Wonderful smell. I love that I get to work out with Bear this morning. I can feel muscles now I didn't know I still had :) I love that my boys are talkative and smiling this morning in spite of coughs and the insanely early rising. I love Brannon's smile lighting up his entire being. I love how we engaged over a scripture passage at 5 am. I love Joshua's warm arm around my neck, his soft cheek pressed against mine. I love the delicious smells issuing from my crock pot. I love that I don't have to worry about lunch while I am busy in town this morning. I love warm tea and crispy apples on this rainy morning. I love that I got a kiss from my Natey this morning before he stumbled back to bed--after he poked his head out of the bedroom and said "Are you all crazy!" :) I love the glorious warmth pulsing in my heart as I read my Bible this morning. I love how close my Jesus is, right by my side. I love my cozy little house. Built by my honey. I love cozy pajamas and warm socks. I love that I get to walk in the rain later. Soaking in all those lovely wet smells. I love being ME ;-)

Ramblin'

This morning soon plunged downhill into a morass of bad attitudes. Everybody. But especially Mama. I let the runny nose, whining, lack of sunlight, back talking and short time get to me. Worse, I listened to the voice of my enemy when he said 'You're stuck here again. Are your kids always going to be sick like this? Are you ever going to get along with your husband? What kind of Savior makes you go through this day after day?" (I know, I know! Bad call on my part!)


After slamming a few doors and complaining that I was going to be late for an appointment (while Papa was dealing with the previously mentioned backtalk) I finally burst into tears. I cried all the way to town. Then I wiped my eyes, squared my shoulders and walked up to the door. Where I was greeted by a dear friend who I knew without a doubt would set me straight. Still holding onto my bad 'tude I answered his question "How are you?" with "Do I have to answer that?"

Together we worked on errant muscles and an errant heart at the same time. I left with a repentant and joyful heart(and sore shoulders). I remembered once again Who I am. And who my Savior really is too. I bounced through the rest of the day (so far:) I think my favorite part though was when he said "You and my wife are going to be great friends" That made me so happy. We've been slowly working on getting to know each other. But, it is slow going with two quiet people! It's been a long time since I had a close girlfriend and I'm glad to be in the position of building such a relationship.

I was so thankful to get the encouragement, exhortation and prayer I was so desperately in need of today. My Jesus is so faithful and so patient. Thank you, Jesus for being so patient!! :} I love You so much!

Exciting News! :)

I know, I haven't been blogging much lately. I don't know what it is. I think a pervading sense of discouragement that has been plaguing me lately is the culprit. I just don't feel like making the effort. :(

Truthfully I am very up and down these days. Not all down, for sure :)


Anyway.........

I am working on starting an etsy store to sell some of my photos!!! :) Yay!!!!! So, at the moment I am working on choosing a photo lab to print my pictures. I will be ordering samples soon from the two labs I have picked after hours of searching for and reading customer reviews on six or so different photo labs.


AND, I am once again considering a trip to Liberia. Maybe early next year. I'm so up-and-down about that too...

I NEED TO GET IN SHAPE!!!!! LIKE, NOW!!!! Sheesh. I seem to let so many things get me off track. Especially allergies. Which don't feel like a little thing when your head is pounding and your throat hurts and you DON'T FEEL LIKE MOVING let alone working up a sweat.

But, in light of the bigger picture, WHAT AM I WAITING FOR?????? Maybe the end of the world so I don't have to worry about it after all...

When I *Tried* to Shoot My Sis-in-law's Bow...

Yeah. Ouch. Mostly embarrassing though...

Starting Again

Yep, I'm starting over again. You remember all those plans to lose weight and get in shape? Well, they were thwarted almost before they began. By four stinking colds in a row. Followed by a month of wallowing in discouragement; followed by yet another cold bug. But I am finally ready to begin again.


I am starting out with a bang this time. Hubby and I started counting calories (loosely) a few days ago. But, I decided I needed a little something more to get me on the right road. So I am forgoing solid food for two weeks. My meals will consist of green smoothies with yogurt and rice protein powder. My recipe is roughly: 3/4 cup plain yogurt (Nancy's brand only), 1/2 cup water, 2 cups fresh spinach, 1 cup frozen strawberries, 1t vanilla, 1T rice protein powder. After two weeks I plan on adding a meal a week (starting with dinner) until I am back to three meals a day. At that point I will do one to two smoothies a day without the yogurt and protein powder. If I can keep my calories under control at that point all will be well :)


I am starting out with 30 min a day on an elliptical machine. At this point I am hoping to increase either ten minutes a week or difficulty and speed...


We are also finally starting to clean up all our excess stuff. This time after the yard sale we will be making trips to the dump and good will. I don't want anything back this time!!! If feels really good to think we will be a lot lighter on stuff in a few weeks :)

Just Rambling

Today is a bit dreary in spite of the sunshine. We all have a nasty cold; the kids have been sick for over a week now, I am coming up on a week, and Nate, sadly has come down with it as well. While it is an irksome and painful bug I am grateful not to have a sinus infection or bronchitis.

Yesterday afternoon the boys and I got outside for a bit. We found some ''pill bugs'' for the chickens. Brannon also found a small snail which he decided to see if the chicks would try to eat. Expecting some entertainment he added it to the second dish of pill bugs he offered the chicks. He came running inside with round eyes. "The striped one swallowed it whole!" I think I was as amazed as he.

Our radishes are ready to pick already, they grow amazingly fast. Especially when you are laying on the couch for a week and don't check on them. ;-)

Well, my dizzy brain is abandoning me already. So, good-bye until I feel better...

Ack.

I've been so bad about blogging lately. I really want to get back on top of it. I do like it. I guess I've been discouraged about life in general lately and haven't had the 'gumption' to do anything 'extra'. I plan on posting some pics of the boys fun new hobby tomorrow. They've been really enjoying Papa's company lately. It's fun to watch Brannon hanging on him, smiling up at him.

I finished my apron for the up-cycled apron swap. It turned out really cute. I'll post pics of that too. Someday.

Love ya all, see ya soon...