Illness and Exercise and Rambling

I am on a very interesting journey these days. In this case "interesting" happens to be code for "really dang hard" with a lot of good thrown in. It's a bit like beginning to exercise when you've been lying around for a while. You set out with enthusiasm (or not, depending on whether you like to exercise or not) and, taking deep breaths of fresh air, rejoice in finally being outside (assuming you enjoy your exercise out of doors).  You begin pedaling and a smile is soon tugging at you. Another deep breath of fresh air and a full on grin takes over your face.

Sooner or later though (Much Sooner at my house) you have to climb. And climb and climb and climb.

 If it's been a while I will have fiercely burning lungs long before I even begin to feel my legs (the airways tend to be my weak spot). That's the worst for me. I have a really difficult time getting past it. I find I have to take my time if I'm not going to become so discouraged I want to quit. I have to be really patient. I have to stop and walk sooner than I would like, and walk longer than I would like. Until the burning subsides completely, then I can have another go. Then next time I ride I'll be able to go a little longer before I have to stop the first time, maybe only a few seconds longer, but it's progress all the same. Progress that feels a whole lot like pain.

I am always shocked by how much mountain biking can hurt. When I started if I hadn't already been doing exercises that hurt and having someone who knows what they're talking about telling me that the pain was good, as long as it was in the right spot, I would have thought something was wrong. It's still shocking!

Another challenge I face is being in generally poor health. Between adrenal exhaustion and allergies my immune system is quite compromised. I seem to come down with every cold that's going around. There have been some changes this year. I haven't had a stomach bug about every fourth illness like in the past. I haven't had influenza (which thankfully I've only had a few times) or tonsillitis or bronchitis. My cold symptoms have been fairly mild. I've been struggling with ongoing muscle aches and sleepiness though. The other cold symptoms go, but those two stay. For weeks. Then about the time I'm feeling better I get another cold. It hasn't made for very good exercise motivation.

I've been struggling emotionally with the constant exhaustion. I have things I want to do! Things I need to do! I'm tired of this! I don't want to do it any more. Ever. I want my life back. Now would be good.

Very few people "get" that I'm not making it up when I say I can't exercise today. If I had a dollar for every time someone said "Just do it. Exercise will give you the energy you want..." And then look at me like I'm nuts when I try to explain that with adrenal exhaustion I have to pay attention to my body and not exercise if it tells me not too. If I do I will likely be stuck to the couch for two days, or three or four... I think they suspect I'm lazy or in denial. I think they're thinking I'm trying to get out of exercising, that I don't want to work and am making excuses. That's with the "you're nuts" looks. The blank stares I'm not so sure. Some people genuinely try to understand. But unless you've been here, it's really hard to get it.

I recently came across an article about "The Spoon Theory" that explains so well how I feel. Most folks don't think of getting dressed, fixing their hair, driving a short distance, and myriad other small things as being events that require thought and energy. Events that take a chunk out of "what I can accomplish today". I hesitated for months before cutting my hair short (fun new do:) because I knew how much the five or ten minutes a day to fix it would take out of me.

Another example that will take place today. I'm going for a bike ride with the team. You'd think I'd be worried about two hours on my bike being the energy drain. Not so. The things I'm most worried about draining my energy, before I even get started, include: the small maintenance things to get my bike ready to ride, putting my bike on the bike rack on the van, changing into cycling clothes, getting my water bottles and snacks ready, driving 25 minutes to the trail, my extremely introverted self being forced to great a dozen or more people and I am mostly barely acquainted with... All these seemingly insignificant things are major energy sappers for me. So much so that the thought of going for  a ride today seems almost impossibly overwhelming.

Speaking of the team, I never followed up on my post about my big decision. I joined, contrary to the Appearance of Common Sense.

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Whew. Found out that the ride today was an hour earlier than I thought it was and had to dash off suddenly. I had a great and grueling time. My sweet hubby took a huge stress off me by driving me to the trail head and picking me up after.

So, speaking of going against common sense and joining the team. I mentioned I was very concerned about not being able to fulfill the requirements because of my health. Yesterday I was struggling emotionally. I was feeling crummy again after only a few days of feeling ok. The muscle aches were back and I had a sore throat. My nose was throbbing and stinging. I was extremely exhausted and discouraged. The boys were still coughing and having a really rough day. After they had gone to bed I was praying and reading my bible and just really discouraged. Did I mention I was discouraged? When I finally decided to join the team I had been praying about it and felt a lot of peace about joining. God gave me a verse from Psalm 23. In most translations verse 3 says "He restores my soul". In the translation that was in my room at the time said "He restores my strength". Another translation could be 'He restores my vitality to what it was meant to be'. I believed I had a promise from God that if I trusted Him He would come through for me. So, I was sitting there feeling sorry for myself and asking God if He was really going to come through for me. Maybe I heard Him wrong, I was thinking. I know He always comes through! Always. So, I must have made up what I'd felt and heard. Or God had some other lesson in mind for me. Or...

I got to bed at a good time and there I lay. Until at least midnight. *Sigh* The boys woke me just before seven this morning. I had some cooking and cleaning that Had to be done today. And you know what? I felt great! I got all the things done I needed to get done. And I went on the ride. Came home sore, tired, mud covered, and very happy. God came through for me, in the way I hoped He would.

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Psalm 27 has been my "go-to" passage for some time now (parenthesis mine):

The Lord is my light and my salvation;
Whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the defense of my life;
Whom shall I dread?   (or what circumstance!)
When evildoers come upon me to devour
my flesh,   (illness)
My adversaries and my enemies, they
stumbled and fell.
Though a host encamp against me,
My heart will not fear;
Though war rise against me,
In spite of this I shall be confident.
One thing I have asked from the Lord, that
I shall seek:
That I may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life,  (in Every circumstance)
To behold the beauty of the Lord
And to meditate in His temple.
For in the day of trouble He will conceal me
in His tabernacle;  (in full view of my enemies, where they can't touch me)
In the secret place of His tent He will hide
me;
He will lift me up on a rock.
And now my head will be lifted up above
my enemies around me,
And I will offer in His tent sacrifices with
shouts of joy;
I will sing, yes, I will sing praises to the
Lord.
Hear, O Lord, when I cry with my voice,
And be gracious to me and answer me.
When you said, "Seek my face," my heart
said to You,
"Your face, O Lord, I shall seek."
Do not hide Your face from me,
Do not turn Your servant away in anger;
You have been my help;   (in every way!)
Do not abandon me or forsake me, (since He says "I will never leave you or forsake you" don't have to worry about that one:)
O God of my salvation!
For my father and my mother have
forsaken me,
But the Lord will take me up.
Teach me Your way, O Lord,
And lead me in a level path
Because of my foes.
Do not deliver me over to the desire of my
adversaries,
For false witnesses have risen against me,
And such as breath out violence.
I would have despaired unless I had believed
that I would see the goodness of the Lord
In the land of the living. (So true!)
Wait for the Lord; (need to get a grip on this one)
Be strong and let your heart take courage;
Yes, wait for the Lord.

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This quote by Graham Cooke is challenging me this week:
"To really get the best of frustration, you must turn it into celebration. If you stop being frustrated and start celebrating, you enter a whole different space, and so will your circumstances. You can make your circumstances bow to the Christ in you! All it takes is a brilliant thought."

Today's Pictures...

Today we missed church and a birthday party because Joshua was feeling a bit under the weather. We didn't know if it was a cold or allergies so we decided to play it safe and not expose anyone else. Turns out it was/is a cold as Mama is coming down with it as well.

But, on the bright side, no one is terribly ill and the boys and I had a Lovely day together. The weather couldn't have been more perfect for the first day of May:-)

I had a fun surprise first thing this morning! We have a pair of ravens that calls this area home. I love them and think they are fascinating, and would Love the get their pictures! But, they are also wary of humans and Very smart. I've been relatively close to the juveniles when they start exploring, they are not as skittish as the adults and evidently think humans are rather fascinating themselves. They still don't get very close, although I've had one circle me before, possibly trying to figure out what sort of creature was walking in his woods. Another time I sat and listened to one practicing his various noises in a tree above our chicken coop.

The adults, however do not let me even as close as that. If they are outside they fly off as soon as the front door cracks and don't come back! So, this morning when Joshua mentioned a large bird landing in the compost bin I grabbed my camera without much hope. I shot two quick shots out the window...

And one through the open door!!! First time ever:) I don't know if you can tell here, but he's a big one. (When we visited Momma Bug last July I woke up the first morning hearing ravens outside. I looked the window to see three of them perched on Nate's bike, pecking at the shiny parts. They took off the moment they saw movement at the window though, so no pictures of them either)
I tip-toed outside and crouched in the driveway with my camera ready. Eventually I spotted him again... And of course, he had his eye on me and no intention of getting anywhere near :-)

This little guy was more obliging though. I don't know what he's eating off the antlers. Bugs? Or the antler itself?

Two very handsome fellows

I love the green-gold light through the maple leaves

Wood hyacinths (or bluebells... Are they two names for the same thing?)

I've been slacking on the blog lately so I haven't told you about the additions to my rose garden. Remember my Valentine's day present? A fenced area to plant roses in so the deer can't (hopefully) get at them. Well, for our anniversary my honey went to buy me another rose bush. The store he went to was having a clearance sale on their roses and he brought home 15 bushes for about the price of 1!! How fun is that!!! :-D He sent me a text message on his way home (I still thought he was bringing me ONE rose...or maybe two) "I love you and lavish you with roses) I laughed. Then when I expressed my continued amazement over the never-ending flow of bushes out of the back of the car, my dear said "Don't you think I know the meaning of the word lavish?"

I am still giddy:) And, I've got this lovely clematis (snow queen) keeping my "Don Juan" company in one corner now... I can't wait until she opens all the way:)

(We were getting some ground-cover plants and some seeds at the same time. When Nate went back to grab the clematis for me it took him a bit. I went back to make sure he remembered which one as there were three different white ones. Of course, the boys ratted me out! "Mom was coming to check on you because she thought you wouldn't remember which one was the right one" And he was very smug, because he had remembered the right one, lol!)

Ornamental strawberry! There's a house on one of our regular "walking" streets that has these. I always moon over them but never thought I'd actually have an excuse to get some;-) (They look rather sad just now, recently transplanted and covered in dirt)

Dandelions--sunshine on the ground

Chickens!

Hello?

Come now ladies, there's plenty of room for all ("Cora" and "Coraline")

We had marvelous success hatching chicken eggs this year. After last year's disastrous attempts I almost didn't try again. But I got the "bug" and went for it. Happily almost all the eggs we set hatched! Unhappily most are roosters:( I was SO looking forward to all those hens and fun different colored eggs...

Rooster

Roosters

Silly chicks hiding. They did eventually come outside today (this pile is probably 2/3 roosters)

Papa and his buddy BJ took down the old broken rope and put up a new swing for the boys a couple weeks ago and they've really been enjoying it

Another mohawk rooster. The white one in back we are not sure of yet, but suspicious

"Big Chicken" and his girl "Penny"

"Gimpy" and "Lily" (Gimpy is sadly nicknamed for a permanent limp, he's our favorite roo and he really deserves a better name, but there you have it)

Brannon always takes such good care of any injured or ill chicks. Here he's adding some extra "boyness" to the job. Surely she'll enjoy sitting up in a tree as much as I do!

Big Chicken again, in a huff about something or other... (he's named for his disposition as much as his size by the way:)

Another of many roosters (and two of the chicks that passed away recently were hens *sigh* At least the roosters are pretty:) But, we have to figure out what to do with the excess. The freezer seems the easiest solution to me, but we have a Loudly protesting seven-year-old in the mix. Hmmm. Need wisdom on this one for sure. I love his tender heart, and he has some spectacularly gut-wrenching arguments. But, he still likes meat, intends to keep eating it. Including chicken. As long as it's birds he has never met and doesn't know who killed them)

It was a lovely day (did I say that already?) in spite of some discomfort for Joshua and I. Since we didn't get to go to the potluck/birthday pary today we decided to have a family potluck. I had black bean sweet potato chili in the crockpot already. Joshua made dessert, a chocolate peanut-butter concoction to dip pretzels in. Brannon made a great salad with lettuce, spinach, parsley, brussels sprouts and lime juice. Joshua declared that his brother should be a salad chef at a fancy restaurant (high praise coming from the aspiring chef). Brannon, after tasting his salad agreed with his brother. :P

We spent most of the rest of the day outside playing, reading, drawing and watching chickens. I am really grateful for it all:) Now the boys are in bed and I'm trying to talk myself into bed (No, waiting up til midnight for hubby to get home is Not a good plan!:)

When You Have A Cold...

Maybe you'll be lucky enough to have a mama crazy enough to let you lick out the empty honey jar while lying on the couch...

Or maybe you'll hang out on the exercise machine just cause you'd rather not lie down but you really want something to lean on...
Or maybe, when your littlest boy says it sure would be nice to have some toast with his tea for breakfast, then a moment later says hot soup to dip it in would be even better; you decide that making bread and soup would be a fantastic way to spend the morning... ;-)

Rambling...

I can't believe how long this cold is lasting! Yuck!! I guess two weeks is supposed to be a normal time span for a cold, but it's criminal if you ask me:(

The boys are feeling better finally, it's nice to hear playing instead of crying:) It's hard to coax them outside though. Could it have something to do with the fact that mama just wants to lie on the couch? Legos have been the chief entertainment this week. That and playing chipmunks. The boys will take the plastic file boxes stacked in a corner of the bedroom and stick them under their queen-size mattress. Instant chipmunk den LOL! If they can talk Papa into being a wolf for a few minutes all the better.

I really want to get to posting my October photos. Soon.

Needless to say with Mamas sore throat we haven't done much reading the past almost two weeks. Our creation science study has been mostly on hold. We did read about truffles and ectomycorrhizal fungi :) and about dinosaur fossils in relation to the flood. But, mostly it's been legos...

Belatedly--my little bro and I had a really great time going to the mall in the next town for the Motiv8 Christian fantasy authors tour. I decided not to be a geek and left my camera at home. Then I wished I had been a geek and just brought the stupid thing LOL I love having pics of Everything (except me). I was feeling just well enough to not hesitate to go, but the kids were finally getting whiny after having colds for three days and I was glad to get a little mama time. But, typically, as soon as the sword fighting started I wished my munchkins could be there to see it LOL. :)

Oh, my photography class was fine. I drove in circles for twenty minutes after taking a wrong turn. Yeah. Fun. I walked into class only about two minutes late. We will be meeting outdoors for the next two classes. This is when I think I will get what I need out of the class, when I ask questions about the manual focus on my camera:) I'll let you know how it turns out.

I'm looking forward to our soup and (homemade) donut party in a couple weeks. We did this last fall and had a blast. Everyone brought either a crock pot full of soup or homemade donut dough and we used deep fryers meant for frying turkeys (lol) to fry the donuts (outside!). It was a blast all around.

Anyway, I'm going to go wash some crusty pots and pans, and then hopefully curl up on the couch again...