Broken

 Broken. Undeniably. Irrevocably. The family I once knew and cherished is no more. The bitter pain that has kept me from writing all summer and half of autumn, is this. This thing that has been building for years. Mostly unseen. Hidden in the shadows of 'keeping it together', of 'normalcy'. The fractured bits like shards of glass, carefully reached around to avoid injury. To avoid blood, and pain. And, finally, a divorce. Children struggling in greater and lesser degrees not to take sides. To support both parents. To let anger and grief run their course and be followed by forgiveness and grace. Children who (speaking for myself, and perhaps my siblings) are grateful to be adults with families of their own. Spouses and children who are anchors in our pain.

 The sun shines on and the pain, eventually, comes and goes. Between waves I can feel almost normal. I begin to think that the intensity has waned. Then I am suddenly drowning again.

 There are so many things that cannot be shared here. Things that last too long, that leave too quickly, that come too soon. Old hurts that surface at inopportune times and make little rifts wider. Emotions on edge. A family that used to be one of the happiest and strongest families I knew is left in fragments.

 At times I forget to trust the Holy Spirit. I forget to rest in the arms of my Heavenly Daddy. I forget that ALL things work together for the good of those who Love HIM!

 Even the prickly aliens that don't belong on this landscape...

 Down to the smallest detail, the largest pain, He is present and Powerful. His Love for me in Unending! His delight in me never ceases!

 As I watch my precious boys exploring today I am reminded once again of God's love for ME!

 There is beauty All around me today...

 There are even wildflowers in November...

Autumn Colors

These pics were all taken the same day :)

And, because I can't help it, pics of my marvelous boys too :D

Rain, Glorious Rain

It smells sooo good out! The wet earth, the fallen leaves... Hurray for autumn!! It's grand to see all the ditches filling with water and to hear the creek flowing again. I love water in all it's wonderful forms. I love to take a walk in the rain and come home soaked and dripping (as long as I know I can warm up after it's great).

We had our home made soup and donut party this evening. We had a great time. I completely forgot to get my camera out so I don't have any pictures :( The weather worked out perfectly, it rained hard all morning then was clear and kinda warm during the late afternoon and most of the evening. This mattered cause it was an indoor/outdoor party. It only started to rain again after most people had gone and we were pretty much done cleaning up the outdoor stuff.

Everyone brings either a pot of soup or a batch of donut dough (in some cases both). We ended up with two kinds of chili, chicken noodle, venison stew, and potato sausage soup. Plain old fashioned donuts, chocolate old fashioned, pumpkin cake donuts, and big fluffy yeast donuts. I also made a batch of gluten-free, sugar-free donuts for those of us who can't have the regular ones. I think we had about 25 people. Most of it family :)

It is raining hard again now. I LOVE our metal roof. I love the rain nice and loud. I'm afraid when we finally finish the ceiling in the stairway it won't be loud enough any more lol.

Hubby was talked into entering a bicycle race this morning by a friend of ours. Even though he hasn't ridden in a month or two he was totally excited about doing it, nervous too. He's not a racer he just enjoys riding his bike. But anything including friends and competition is ten times better than without. The track was a mile I think. Very loopy and hilly. And muddy. So, they had to race for 30 min., and see how many times around they could go. Everyone riding came out of there covered head to toe in mud. People had it caked in their hair and covering their faces...everywhere :) Lotsa fun, he's eager to go again.